Unconnected to my Heart and Soul

Life quite often throws us into circumstances we did not anticipate and never would have asked for. When those circumstances are particularly unpleasant…maybe even traumatic…we take what happened and stuff it away in a box. Then we lock the box, sealing it tightly. We may add some duct tape to make sure it stays closed. Then we push it into the corner, cover it up and hope we never see it again! That may seem to work for a while, but the box never goes away. It’s presence is always there, lurking in the background, threatening to explode out of the box and overtake us once again.

Recently, I went through a traumatic experience…that’s probably no secret if you’ve been reading my blog entries carefully. J This past week, Dave and I took time to remember and specifically identify our accomplishments and personal growth during this most recent season in our lives. Personally, in the last 2 years, I became a published writer. That in itself has been an amazing process of listening and learning from the Lord. I am more confident in who I am as a woman and my individual mission in life. I took giant leaps forward in my faith in God, particularly in trusting Him to provide financially and not be stressed by bills or lack of income—and at the same time to rejoice in the midst of uncertainty! (Hopefully, that story will be in print one day!) I finished my first and second books…and started a third.

As we reviewed the last few years of our lives, I realized that I didn’t want to lock it all away in a box in the corner. Yes, this last season of our life ended very badly. I still have the fresh wounds on my body and may have scars for years. But, I want to keep what is good. Some of it has been amazingly life-altering. I don’t want to lose a precious part of myself as I try to hide from the pain.

When we can connect the dots and see our life as a linear journey, it begins to make sense. It makes our heart settle down and restores our ability to look forward with hope. If I throw away the last few years, I leave myself unconnected to my own heart and soul. But if I accept the good as well as the bad, understanding it as best I can, I then take all of me into my future journey with God. And He is making everything in my life into a beautiful thing. He is taking the raw and painful wounds in my heart and turning them into glistening jewels that display the glory of their Creator! And with confidence, I can now look forward to the next season for me. I know there will be hard times and periods of amazing blessing. But, whatever happens, it is my life. It is my journey. And I eagerly chose to turn down a new path and see what is next!